i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
