my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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