I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
