So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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