this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
