It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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