I wanna passion pit in your ass
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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