New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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