All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
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I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.