she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased