I'm jealous of your bromance
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.