i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
