Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
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I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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