the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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