I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize