so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
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There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wear drunk well.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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