I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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