at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
