she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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