you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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