im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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