I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
