are you still at the devil's house?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
