Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
