and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
