6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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