I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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