I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
