Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
