Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
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Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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