there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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