U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
