you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have already put on my inside pants.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
