Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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