Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
