All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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