i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
