I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
there is glitter all over my balls
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize