White coat. Heels.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
