I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
