she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
