We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
