I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)