You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
