Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
