My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize