I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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