I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
