I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize