btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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