Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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