i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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